I miss him.

I feel like ive fooled myself again. I feel like boys dont break my heart, its me who always breaks my own heart. I thought he was different, not because hes the father of my child, but because the way he held me, the way he kissed me, everything he did was new to me. I felt like for the first time ever i found the guy who saw me. I found the guy who thought my silly jokes were cute, who loved my smile, and hated to see me cry. I found the guy who would try and understand me when we argue. I thought i found the one who would admit when he was wrong, and accept my apology when i admit that i had been wrong as well. When i looked into his eyes i saw his happiness, i saw how everything i did pleased him. i saw how crazy he was for me.
Now i look into his eyes and i see anger. I feel like he wants me to be someone else, someone im not. I dont know what it is, i dont know whats changed about me, if its my looks, my personality, anything, and i know i should love myself, but sadly, i know i would change myself just to be what he wants me to be.
I think God made my heart too big. I always seem to over care, im always the one left standing there broken. I know i make mistakes, but 99% of the time i admit to mine, and i know it takes two people to keep a relationship going strong, but i honestly feel like ive done nothing wrong. He comes home every day/night in a bad mood. I really wish if he were unhappy hed let me know, im tired of being blindsided, dont i deserve to know how he feels about me? after all ive been through with him, you would think hed give me this much. I love him, a lot. Hes my best friend, my one true love, the father of my child, but my heart is weak, and it cant take much more.
Im stuck, i just dont know who to turn to or what to do, everything i want is slipping away. I wanted the perfect family, i was positive i had it, i still hope its there.