The truth is, im pretty scared. Im not scared of the pain, i know its going to hurt like hell. Im scared of failing. Im scared that at one point in his life, im going to disappoint him. I mean, sure when he's a baby, everything i do for him will make him happy. I can deal with that, but when i think about how fast his childhood will go, it scares me. How am i going to react to his first girlfriend. Or the first time he "experiments" smoking or drinking? What if mine and raiders parenting skills contradict each other? What if im always the bad guy? Im scared to watch him grow up, because even though he isn't even here yet, hes my baby. He's always going to be my baby, and out of all the difficulties i know im going to have, im scared of him growing up. Im scared of losing my "baby" to a "young man" with the same name. I hate thinking about it but i cant help it. I want to be a great mom, no matter what age he is...and i just dont think i know how. They say its harder when they're babies...but i dont think thats right...i think its the hardest thing to watch a baby grow up, and to know that simply singing him a lullaby cant make the pain go away. So in this blog, that noone will read, im finally admitting the truth...Im scared.